My endless grocery list

I keep myself organized by maintaining a running To-Do list of errands, shopping, etc.  Without it I am lost, and as you'll know from a previous post, I am obsessive about keeping it tidy!  The bottom right corner is always given over to supermarket needs, and I cut it out and take it with me to the store to make sure I don't forget anything.

No matter how meticulously I list the groceries I need, I always come back with a ton of stuff.  I have heard friends say the same thing - if there are 10 things on the list, you come back with 12 (or more!).

So ... is it me who consistently forgets what I've run out of ... or the store that sends psychological messages to my brain making me buy stuff?   Hmmmm 

Translation issues

I have been living in the USA for 14 years and am now an American citizen.  I still have to chuckle at the trouble I got myself into with a few simple words!  (some are still troublesome)

To summarize, I have learned ...  

1.  'Homely' is not a compliment (it is in England)

2.  There is no such word as 'winge-ing'

3.  NEVER give fruit cake to ANYONE

4.  The 2-finger salute doesn't exist

What I still need help with (volunteers please?)

1.  Is it 'trash' or 'garbage'

2.  Am I driving on the 'highway' or 'freeway'

3.  Why would you name anything 'Cheese Nips'

... and as for the time in the hospital elevator when my son (then 2) pushed the emergency button and the receptionist told us 'don't worry, a lady pushed the button with her fanny last week ... it happens all the time'.   WOW!    That is REALLY clever (fellow Brits will understand!!)

Ghosts are ringing my wind chimes

I recently had an awful sleepless night, awaking at 12.15am to wind chimes.  Wind chimes?  I don't even have any - part of the reason I could not go back to sleep.  I tried to get the sound our of my head, but found myself concentrating even harder to see if I could hear it (which is REALLY annoying!).  

By 1.00am I had to go and look for the chimes ... but they stopped as soon as I got out of bed ... so back to bed.

By 1.45am, I am down in the kitchen looking for them ... still can't find them ... back to bed again.

By 2.00am I have persuaded myself that my daughter has been kidnapped through her bedroom window and the kidnappers have bumped into her wind chime project next to her bed.  So I barrel down the hall ... she is (of course) asleep in bed ... and she's removed the wind chimes anyway.

Figured it out by 3.00am by sitting motionless on the floor in the hallway for 10 minutes.  Stupid hamster ... jumping on and off it's wheel.  Bing ... Bing ... Bing   (should be bang bang bang ... but I haven't got a gun)

Free to a good home

Free to a good home or will swap for good bottle of Chateaux Neuf de Pape.  

Female child, loves to sing and dance (very quietly ALWAYS).  Never yells or says bad words EVER  (ie. only vague awareness of swear words ... but nothing beyond the S-word, F-word, C-word, B-word ...) Eats every scrap of food on her plate (even black crumbly stuff that Mummy has forgotten to remove from the pan).  Has absolutely NO powers of manipulation.  Exceptional aim when throwing objects ...

Favoritism

I recently relocated my computer within the kitchen so I can sit with my legs actually under the table (apparently I have twisted my lower back by sitting sideways and facing forwards!).   

Once my former 'perch' was vacated, my daughter decided to move in and brought a host of 'desk appropriate' items from her bedroom.  A table mat for the writing area, a left over school name tag, pencil pot, soft toys (including the sleeping puppy that breathes and looks scarily real) ... and a picture frame.  

In the picture frame is a photograph of her.

Trying to help, I explained that most people place on their work desks photographs of their favorite friends and family.  She said she knew this, and that since WAS her own favorite person !!?

Hot chicks

While driving to collect my kids from school, I decided to switch on the heated seats - both for me and my mother-in-law, who is visiting from Liverpool, England.  The weather in England is rarely as cold as these raw New England winter days, and I am very concerned to make sure she stays warm and toasty.

It never occurred to me that she would not have experienced a heated seat, or known that it existed!

As we wait in the pick-up line, she suddenly starts laughing.  Just a giggle at first ... but it soon transitions into uncontrollable laughter and tears well up in her eyes.  She cannot stop laughing and can't even talk!

Eventually it emerges that for the previous 5 minutes she had sat in absolute horror as her 'buns' got hotter and hotter.  Struck dumb by the fear that a terrible illness had suddenly affected her ... and her vacation would be spent in a hospital ward with a 'hot bot' !!  She then realized it was a heated seat ...

No, I'm not smarter than a 5th grader ...

Never mind am I smarter than a 5th grader (or what ever it's called) ... I can't even do the 4th grade math that my son brought home.  I had to look up how to do 'long division' on the internet and re-learn it!  

... and then there were the two years (2007 and 2008)  when I thought that 'cursive' was a style of writing - ie.  3rd person, particularly descriptive, etc.  Only last year did I discover it's just joined up writing!  

Don't ever let anyone tell you English English and American English are the same!!

Confessions of a card-a-holic

Hi, my name is Sue and I am addicted to cards (well, and a few other things that I'm not even going to mention because my Mom might be watching/reading).

If I see one funny birthday card, I cannot resist looking for more - and then I find more, which makes me look for more ....

A few days ago I was surprised to discover that the Super Stop & Shop actually had genuinely funny ones (usually it doesn't)!  I bought 12 cards - which is entirely stupid because I only know about 3 people!!

My favorites are ... "Any pan is a no-stick pan if you no cook in it" ... "you ain't old till you got summer teeth ...you know - some 'er missin', some 'er still there ...".

Telling off the big boys

My 10 year old son is almost as big as me. 

He recently observed that when he is taller than me, I will no longer be convincing or even scary when admonishing him for some behavior or poor decision.

To illustrate this, he took out the folding steps and stood on the top step ... and instantly became 6 ft 5 in tall (his projected height).  He then had me 'tell him off', while he smiled down at me.  

It was pathetic (me, not him).

There is officially NO HOPE ...

Better than me

I must officially be getting old ... 

I am judging this simply on the realization that my kids are starting to be able to do things better than me.  This is not a recent revelation, but rather a kind of 'unveiling' that seems to have started a few months back.

My daughter, who has been taking riding lessons for 2 years, is now pretty good at it.  I realized this past weekend that if something went wrong (spooked horse, etc) it's all down to her!  My parental instinct to run head-long into the arena if she is catapulted from the saddle, is simply useless.  It's not like I can catch the horse, shout out useful instructions or catch her in mid air.  I am officially the band-aid that deals with the aftermath!

Yes ... it's a real wand ...

I admit I love Harry Potter ... as do my children (especially my daughter).  The magical and mystical quality of the films (and books) leave children with a vague sense that there's an element of truth somewhere hidden in the stories.

I used to tell the kids that I went to Hogwarts, and if they were naughty, I'd get out my wand and cast a spell.  This eventually resulted in the question "show us the wand" ...  

So one night while they were asleep, I wrapped a chop stick in aluminum foil and placed it on top of the cooktop hood.  The next and subsequent times they asked, I immediately produced it ... and this kept them fascinated for many months.  

Interestingly, they never attempted to retrieve the wand for a closer look!   In the end, I confessed and unwrapped it ... I just wanted to see their faces (which were hilarious!)

Hamster on the phone

Children are smart.  They have the uncanny ability to pick the absolute worst time to pitch a fit, spill a gallon of OJ or fall off something.  A kind of telepathy, perhaps?  Or do they just wait for you to be on the phone before they start the inevitable chain reaction that ends in doom (for them or you ...)

So while I'm on the phone to a rare potential client ... sounding all professional and business-like (ie. there are no children for MILES around)  ... my daughter appears, hamster in hand stating (several times) "take a photo of my hamster" in an increasingly loud voice.  

If you discover your child's off switch ... can you let me know?

Arrival of the ironing fairy

Yes, there is indeed an ironing fairy ... and she is arriving today on a plane from Liverpool!  

Hurrah!  

My obsession with ironing everything (even underpants, tea clothes and sheets!) can continue and I'll have time to work on my other obsessions, like making sure the toilet paper rolls away from the wall ALWAYS, making sure all the towels are folded EXACTLY the same way and that my to-do list is written in the same color ink and NO-ONE else writes ANYTHING on the piece of paper (or I have to write it all out again on a new sheet).

The cupcake resolution

Growing up I remember there was always a home-made cake (sometimes cup cakes with pale icing and a few sprinkles) on the counter.  A piece of cake with a cup of tea after dinner was standard practice ... even from a young age.  

Last year, I came to the conclusion that I had partly 'lost my way'.  All of my spare time (and not spare time!) was spent volunteering at school and with other good causes.  I'm not suggesting that we should not give time ... but I had made volunteering a full time job, investing over 30 hours a week ... and I came to realize that I should re-prioritize.

Hence the cupcake resolution ...

I have resolved that the once empty glass cake stand should no longer remain empty, but instead should house a home-baked delight ... hopefully to be greedily consumed and enjoyed by the family.  

So far, so good ... it's chocolate frosted cup cakes today!  

The magical room

Recently I sat in a room with a dozen or more other parents (mostly Moms, but a few Dads) to start a community wide discussion on a very touchy and emotional subject.  The subject is irrelevant ... 

What is amazing is that each individual set aside their personal opinions, challenges and commitments to understand a greater problem that affects everyone.  There was no malice in the room, no sarcasm, no 'them and us' ... just a determination to work towards a solution, together. 

Each person (some more than others) has challenges that weigh heavy on their shoulders.  For some, these challenges carve out a day that for others would see them running to the edges of the earth.  But still everyone came, without complaint on a frigid morning with temperatures near zero ... and I think we all left that room warmed by the spirit created within.

Building up an immunity ... to the cold!

If you've seen the national weather forecast recently, you would have heard that it's been bitterly cold in New England this week.  

Absolutely unbelievable is the sight of my son, leaving the school building, with his winter coat slung across his shoulder ... and only a sweatshirt to keep warm.   The parents (myself included) waiting for our children are reminiscent of multi-color penguins ... standing stationary head into the wind, with eye lashes frozen to faces.  But the kids appear oblivious and simply do not feel the cold!  Amazing!

Worse than head lice?

Do you have a day you'll never forget?  I remember this day almost above all others ...

One morning (a few years ago) my daughter was combing her hair and vigorously started scratching.  Taking advantage of the bright morning sunshine, I took the opportunity to look ... and there was a huge louse right in the middle of her head.

Mortified, horrified and with phantom lice in my own hair we set out for the supermarket to buy any and all stock of any lice removal product/device.  On our return (and bearing enough chemicals to kill the insect population for miles around) we were greeted by a noxious smell, which we traced to the cellar where we now had our own pool ... of poo ... from the sewer.

How do you prioritize that?  

Letting loose ...

Why is it impossible to get two children out the door 15 minutes early for a meeting at their school?  It's almost fatal to mention an early start!  Have you ever noticed that only on these mornings does the sugar get spilled, the toilet not flush and the homework go missing!?

I could write a book and document all of these ridiculously ironic happenings that blight my/our stressful mornings, rushed afternoons and sleepless nights?  It would be a great read, filled with sarcastic comparisons, horrible coincidences and hilarious admissions ... and then I discovered blogging ...

Without further a do ... I am letting loose my (probably infrequent) rants for the entertainment and general consumption of all Moms (and anyone else).  We are all tasked with juggling children, culinary skills, domestic know-how and professional expertise ... whilst appearing calm and collected, in matching clothes (turned the right side out most of the time) with immaculate make-up (applied in the rear-view mirror) the majority of the time.

Feel free to celebrate and commiserate with me ... and above all ... enjoy!